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Shrek
Shrek is a sarcastic but goodhearted ogre S E X Y M A N that lives in a swamp he's an smexy oger lord Shrek's Famous Tale he was born in 1020 AD and left home at age fourteen. he started to live in a swamp in 1057 AD shrek lived in isolation for many years, occasionally being visited by hunters and he scares them off by pretending he will eat them. one particular day, however, April 22, 1036 AD, shrek would have teh journey to change his lief for better or for worse IDk but trump did 7/11 in ten secon- shrek woke up as usual on the 21st of April of 1036 AD, and scared off a group of hunters who left behind a poster wanting "fairy tale creatures." the next day, shrek meets Donkey, a fast-talking donkey who is a very good and faithful friend. shrek gets annoyed by him, however he allows donkey to use his land as refuge for one night. later that night, shrek's swamp gets invaded by fairy tale creatures who were evicted by Lord Farquaad. shrek and donkey go on a quest to reclaim shrek's swamp. he meets farquaad the next day and he gets sent on a quest to get Princess Fiona from a dragon. shrek explains to donkey his famous "onion" speech, which demonstrates his Philosophy of the Onion. shrek and donkey rescue fiona, who is dismayed from shrek being an ogre. they get into argumanets lol and den shrek sleep on a cliffside dat night. next day, fiona makes breakfast and gets kidnapped by Robinhood. fiona takes him and his merry men down by karate moves that makes shrek speechless. he is found out to have an arrow stuck in his ass and fiona painfully pulls it out, something people need to learn to do these days am i righ- they continue on, and shrek and fiona continue to fall deeper in love. that is until one night at a windmill, shrek overhears fiona describing "a beast so hideous," which he falsely believes to be him she be talking bout lol. shrek gets mad and gives fiona to farquaad and deserts donkey, leaving him lonely. they eventually meet up at teh swamp, and have a fight. it ends in reconciliation between those two guys, and they use teh dragon to fly to duloc and save fiona. fionas unconvinced until shrek reveals he loves her. farquaad attempts to arrest them, but gets eaten by teh drag00n lol they marry, and go on a honeymoon to a gingerbread house, thus ending their first life-changing adventure today today, in 2017 AD, shrek lives in his original UK swamp, in a very old and decayed S E X Y state, with his original house gone and in pieces scattered around teh location lol philosophy shrek is renowned for his philosophy - Philosophy of the Onion, a philosophical writing that states all people's personalities have distinct qualities, or layers, arranged in a special way - people's exterior layers are how they are viewed by society, and their interior layers are who they truly are. quotes * "This is my swamp" * "This is the part where you run away" * "DONKEY" * "Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers? You get it, we both have layers" * "Oh no no no, dead broad, OFF THE TABLE" * "WHAT, ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP" * "He's just marrying you so he can be king" * "It's not me that has the problem ok, it's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and say AAHH HELP RUN! A big stupid, ugly ogre. They judge me before they even know me - That's why I'm better off alone" * "Well that's not very nice. It's just a donkey" * "Princess, I was wondering.... Are you...... Are you gonna eat that" * "Ogres are not like cakes" * "NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden. Ogres are like onions, end of story. Bye bye, see ya later" * "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her" * "Well I have to save my ass" * "One of a kind" * "Donkey, two things, ok? Shut. Up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs" * "Oh you're right Donkey, I forgive you.....FOR STABBING ME IN THE BACK" * "Believe me Donkey, if it was me....you'd be dead" * "Well the stars don't tell the future, Donkey, they tell stories. That one is Bloodnok the Flatulent. Heh, you can guess what he's famous for" * "Sometimes things are more than they appear" * "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something" * "I saw this flower, and thought of you because it's pretty. Well, I, don't, really, like it, but I thought you would because you're pretty. But I like 'ya anyway! I... uh...... I'm in trouble" * "OH HELLO THERE! Shrek here, and I'm ticked off" * "Really really" also shrek is way better than anything disney or pixar has ever done and you can't change that factCategory:Shrek Category:Approved by the flying spaghetti dick Category:The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell Category:Adam sandler is gay Category:ID PLEASE Category:Twenty Important People Category:Republicans Category:Conservatives Category:Anti-liberal Category:Anti-liberal resistance Category:Lawful Good Category:Also, inglorious basterds was fucking boring. Category:ONLY 2 GENDERS Category:Hey, you have a license for that? Category:Top kek Category:Smexy Category:Followers of the Philosophy of the Onion Category:Realists Category:King Category:Scottish Category:Memelord